Friday, December 15, 2006

Jarod's Top Ten Reasons to Siege a Castle

It's a crisis of conscious, really. You and your Saxons have been sitting there for days, debating what monstrous attack to participate in next. As Borlok the Drooler pointed out, you could easily wipe out the next town, burning homes and stealing booty - the usual. But as Alerac the Warted thoughtfully interjected, "How many anguished screams can one hear before 'moving on'?" You want something different, something challenging. Something to create a supportive, nurturing environment for your men's emotional needs. Then it hits you like a shovel-full of random muck: lets siege a castle! The decision is obvious to you, but your men's legal attorneys have requested motivation documentation in writing. Here are some reasons to give them:

10 - Romantic Views
Everyone knows the best sunsets are from the top of a smoldering, charred-out keep
9 - "Accidentally" Catapult your Mother-in-Law
"Its a great device, my lady. Here, have a closer look..."
8 - Show off your new armor
It took three months to make the damn thing. What are you going to do, just sit there?
7 - Decapitation impresses the ladies
Lets face it, heads are going to roll at some point. Might as well be by you, in front of a throng of adoring damsels
6 - Makes a great Drinking Game
For every screaming peasant running amok on fire, take a shot!
5 - Free Oil
Need a cup of hot oil? They're giving it away at the walls like it's free!
4 - The Jerks Looked at you the Wrong Way
Sooner or later some fop is going to look at you funny. Consider his castle sieged!
3 - New Castle is a Great Anniversary gift
"You wanted more closet space, honey?"
2 Mead just tastes better on a pile of enemy bodies
This is common knowledge
and finally....
1 Screw Lord "Farty-Pants"!!

No comments: