I'm Here To Help!

Okay, for some reason there seems to be a particularly high content of "cutesy" stuff on the internet lately. Lots of posts about crying, hand-holding, snuggling with dates, etc. I mean, that's normally cool, but there is an EXPLOSION of it lately (I am guilty - posting cuddly pictures of my cat!). Everything is so "cute and romantic," it's like they've been putting solvable Hallmark cards in the water. But not to worry, I am here to help! In the interest of balance, here are few tidbits from a recent sword exhibit I put up. Feel free to growl, dance around a fire, or head-butt your best friend:

Exhibit case full of swords!



An 1833 Dragoon Saber - I mean, how cool is that?

1860 Light Calvary Saber - Used throughout the Civil War, AND makes a nice cake slicer! Eh?

1913 sword designed by none other than George Patton!!

Okay, so did I help anyone? If not, you can always see my posts on catapults! Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go watch Oprah.

Random Thoughts for Today

No intro to this one....in fact, the sentence you are reading right now is NOT an intro, just to be clear. Any said resemblance to an actual intro is entirely coincidental, and not legally binding. In addition, the word "introduction" has been left out of this intro to emphasize the non-intro-ness of the this non-intro. Except, of course, for inclusion in the last sentence, which has no bearing in this matter beside the actual emphasis in the non-intro-ness emphasising sentence.

- You have never actually seen the present. By the time the light reflecting off any object hits your eyes, a tiny fraction of time has already passed. You are always looking at the past.

- Are Klingons dog people and Vulcans cat people? Just asking.

- George Patton invented a Calvary saber in 1913 (which was adopted by the US army) - one of the last official swords to be manufactured for use in combat. This information is a great way to break the ice when meeting your in-laws (make sure to blurt it out in mid-conversation with no frame of reference).

- The world of Blogger etiquette - is it polite to comment on someones blog if they comment on yours? I'm not sure of the answer to this, only I try my best to do so (if I find the blog interesting). Also, what are the rules on "biting your tongue?" For example, I generally find dating posts nauseating, but that doesn't give me the right to say so on someones blog. I suppose there are no set rules on this.

- If I were a woodchuck, I would insist on being called "Woodcharles."

- Have you ever noticed Tonya Harding and Britney Spears are never in the same place? Coincidence?

Well, that's all for today.

Almost.

Okay, now that's all.

Weekend Adventure

This weekend, I did one my exploring habits, where I take off and find new places, no real agenda, etc. This time, I went up the Hudson Valley and found some cool stuff. Who wants to come with me next time?

Yes, I live Near Sleepy Hollow. The Real Sleepy Hollow.

Came across this bizarre line of people walking with balloons. It was some kind of "Light up the Night" Festival

Check out these pumpkins at the Cortlandt Manor.

Came across a car show. The first car is an homage to - Hey, if you don't know you've never lived in North Carolina. The second is this cool tank-like thing the police own.



A Ferrari - you want it, don't you? And a Firebird - how awesome is that?

The Hudson River.

New Camera

For those that don't know, my last camera was destroyed as I fell waist-deep into a 50 foot wide pit of muck while fishing. You didn't think there was quick-sand in New York, did you? Well I have the ruins of a wrecked camera to prove otherwise. But hey, for my birthday I got - you guessed it - a brand new camera! So of course I must post the obligatory "new-camera-woo-hoo-I-can-take-pictures-again" pictures.

Waterfall at my secret fishing spot.

Mr. Cat in full "smug-mode." Once again, you must say that he is cute. Say it! Sayyyy it!

That's all, just a new camera. Carry on.

Jarod's Top Ten Reasons to Invade England.

So you just sacked Rome. You're feelin' good, walkin' with a strut....your carts are filled with the latest in wreath fashion. But now what? I mean, you can't possibly go back to wandering aimlessly, attacking small villages and burning those cute little huts. That was yesterday, folks -how passe. You are a STAR now, a successful brand. You need something bigger, brighter - something to really get the parchments gossiping - The solution lies before you like a giant, pale, foppish mound of earth.....England, baby! Why invade England, you ask? Well here are ten reasons to feed your PR people:

10 - Laugh at the dancing. Have you ever seen the English dance? It's like a herd of wildebeests throwing themselves repeatedly against an electric fence.

9 - No annoying "Sun" or "Blue Skies". Outside of England it's always "Isn't it a nice day?" or "Hey, great weather we're having." None of that malarkey in England.

8 - Watch the aliens build Stonehenge. A plethora of entertainment. Bring the wife and kids!

7 - No French. This is an added bonus to any situation, of course.

6 - Knock off those annoying bowler hats. It's true, bowler hats haven't been invented yet, but that won't stop you from knocking them off the English heads. Extra: try punching through the hats for further insult.

5 - No dentist drills. The English hate dentists, and you will never hear that annoying drill.

4 - Learn grammar. The English will be the first to correct your badly written war-chants. "It's not 'Burned to ashes' it's 'Burn to ashes'....you are confusing your tenses."

3 - Lose weight from the food. Have you ever eaten a "boiled hamburger?" Enough said.

2- Merlin is the hook up. Who better to get girls than a crazed, hooded figure that disappears into the mist?

And finally,

1 - Invade England, win a tapestry!

Well, that's all for now. Have a nice invasion!

Guest Bloggin' At Sarah's

Author Sarah Moffett asked me to write a guest post for her blog while she is away, and I am honored to do so - It goes up Friday the 5th, so "check it out" as the kids say. Here is her site: http://www.sarahmoffett.com/

For those that don't know, Sarah is the talented author of Growing Up Moffett: The Rise and Fall of Innocence in a Pathos Plagued Year. Her book has received excellent reviews, and she is currently working on her second. Go to Amazon and look her up!

Today's History Lesson For Generation Z

I'm "hip" to your problems, young fellers. I'm groovy, and I know that you can't... like...be wasting your time with long, totally boring history lessons while the X-box sits just feet away - gag me with a spoon (look up meaning). So FWIW, here are some quick facts for you - some history "bling" if you will (unless that is SO 2005). And please, DFTT.

- Like, why are cops called cops? Check this out, or whatever (CTOOW?) - it could be because of the copper badges they once wore, or it could be from the word "cop", which means "to sieze". As for which one it is, how should I know? LOL (eats Cheetos)

- What's with the electric guitar? Pretty much came around in the thirties so the audience could hear them over the the big band sound. But the audiences were totally lame...I mean, no moshing or nothing. First recording was in 1938 by some guy named George Barnes or something.

- Video Games...how long? N00b, you should know this. 1948, idea patented. 1958 "tennis for two" developed. The first home video game system was the Magnavox Odyssey in 1972, totally pwning Atari by a few years.

- Chewing gum? AAMOF, there are traces of birch bark tar as early as 5,000 years ago. People chewed all kinds of resins and stuff for centuries, (O RLY?) ...Native Americans chewed spruce resin, settlers dug it, picked up on the practice - some dude named John Curtis sold the first commercial gum in 1848 called "The State of Maine Pure Spruce Gum." In the 1860's chicle was imported from Mexico, used as a gum base. Totally smooth texture, BTW. Kind of like the beginning of modern gum, I guess.

Meh, that is like, at least four facts now. Enough, bro, NTY! Quick, grab that Wii control before your brain goes Commodore 64.

EOM